Author Archives: dak ultimak

Coagulation

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Scab

Isn’t that a song? “Come on! Coagulation time, come on!”

Ok, so I live in LA. And LA is basically synonymous with Hollywood to most of the people in the world. Right now a lot of Hollywood, specifically the TV industry, is frozen because the Writer’s Guild is on strike. What this means is no new TV sitcoms and dramas, more repeats and more Reality TV. Got it? So crappy TV gets even crappier. It really doesn’t matter much to me, because pretty much all good TV is found on Cable, and Cable TV doesn’t seem to be effected by the Writer’s Guild. I really don’t know. I really don’t care. Personally I will never cross picket lines because I believe what strikes stand for. I don’t care for unions, but I do care for workers rights. People need unions, i don’t need unions, but I digress… I have an idea for a prank. We dress up like scabs, carry pads of paper or notebooks, and sit across from the striking writers, and start writing episodes for our favorite TV. Especially the ones we hate. And the hilarity ensues. Yes, this is a bad idea. But bad ideas tend to be the best.

Sanity

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Insanity?

The Three S’es, (or, The Basic Rules of Doing It Right)

  1. Style – It’s got to look good, cool, bitchin’, rad, etc. Period.
  2. Substance – It’s got to have meaning, passion, or purpose. It’s got to be awesome, or it’s not worth doing at all.
  3. Safety – Safety Third.

Jesus turning water into wine

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Jesus turning water into wine

Originally uploaded by Tita Abbott.

According to Christian Mythology, Jesus of Nazareth turned water into wine. I don’t see how his contribution to Israel’s (or Lebanon’s*) alcoholism can be considered a miracle. But non-the-less, the idea of instant alcohol sounds like a great idea to me. I don’t know about him being a messiah, or the ‘son of god’ for that matter. But he’s a saint in my eyes. Too bad his followers are a bunch of idiots.

* Cana, the location where Jesus made the wine.

Early Burning Man

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5549 – Early Burning Man

Originally uploaded by DangerRanger.

This is a pretty cool video clip of the man burning early: CLIP

I missed it, because I got there around 730AM from driving the whole night (12 hours) there was no way I could stay up. The next morning I heard about it, and I looked and could see it from my camp, all charred and limp. I thought it was funny. I thought it was well within the spirit of the event. Heck, even Larry Harvey himself thought it was pretty funny. He was one of the founders of Burning Man. Heck, he built the original “Men”. He laughed, he says so himself on this little clip: CLIP

Next time they should save the money, and let it burn… Then again, a bunch of people got to see two burns, and a lot of newbies got to see the pinnacle of their event.

Personally it’s about the whole week, not just the Burning of the Man.

The Benevolent (dis)Order of the Stray Couches vs. Pastafarians, aka followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM)

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flying spaghetti monster sighted

Originally uploaded by `yoshi.

In the eyes of a Pastafarian, we would be considered Spagnostics. This is because they feel we don’t believe in their Spagedeity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM). It’s not a matter of belief, as it is one of denial or shruggery. We all know the true God is ERIS. Recognizing Eris as our patron diety does, on the contrary, awknowledge that there are other deities, therefore the Spaghetti Flying Monster is acceptable as being part of a long line of gods. Unfortunately, for followers of FSM, the FSM is a false god. Nowhere in world history is the FSM mentioned. The Pastafarian will argue that it His intent, to be missing from History, it’s His sense of humor. If anything I would like to declare FSM as Brigiadier Saint(1) in the POEE tradition of the Discordian Society.

(1) Principia Discordia, pg. 00060.

Santa Season

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Santa Rampage

Originally uploaded by jp_ryan.

Two of Los Angeles’s biggest events are occurring back to back – This Friday and Saturday, December 8th and 9th.

Santa, got a bike?
The 8th will be the umpteeth monthly Midnight Ridazz – also known as the best and biggest rolling party in the US, if not the World. This month’s theme is the All City Toy Ride. Ridazz from all over the city will gather in Downtown LA. An unwrapped gift, valued between $5-$25, is suggested. I’m hoping to introduce some SantaCon regulars to the joys of Midnight Ridazz. I will be decked out in my SantaCon gear and riding from the Northeast LA (NELA) starting point. I’m hoping that some of you Santas would join me. NELA Ridazz will be starting at the Highland Park METRO Red line station (near Mr.T’s Bowl) at 9:45PM. This is a late night BIKE RIDE.

Ridazz, got a Santa Suit?
The 9th will be LA SantaCon 2006 – also known as LA’s Santarchist Santa Rampage, The Red Menace, Santarchy. Imagine hundreds of Santas prowling the streets of LA spreading holiday cheer in the most obnoxious, obscene and joyful way. Maybe some pictures will help to understand. LA’s Santacon events will start at Phillipe’s at Noon. I’m hoping that some Ridazz would join me, put on their best (or worst) Santa outfits and experience Santarchy. I will be riding my bike from NELA to the start, Union Station. This event is NOT a bike ride. We will be locking our bikes up at Union Station. This event is not for children, faint of heart, or easily offended.

Can you handle it?